I have asked the Lord to search me. Inside the deepest parts of me. To the core of my heart, my soul, and my thoughts. Search me, O God. What a dangerous prayer! I have given the Sovereign God permission to search me and to know my heart. I know that no matter how sweetly I pray this, the result is the same - he will point out anything in me that offends him. Oh dear. I want to believe that there is nothing for him to find but love and adoration. But I know that is not the truest thing. My love for God and my passion to know him more is the driving force behind this search. I am asking to go deeper, to give up more of myself to be able to partake of more of him.
It takes courage to ask the Lord to search your heart. There are so many things we think are "true" of God and throughout our lives we begin to form beliefs based on those "truths" but, they are not truths. We gather information from other peoples opinions and our own life experiences. We put all these things together and think we know God and how he works. We tend to question his ways and plans for us. We feel like he owes us an explaination for everything that happens to us. This is a very dangerous place to live. We feel like we are so close to God based on all of the time we have spent with him but time isn't what gets us close to him. It's being with him, asking him to speak to our hearts, daily communication. Pouring out our love for him in worship and allowing him to be a part of our everyday lives. I've learned there are a few things in my heart that are not true of him. Lord, please help me to see you as you truly are. In your majesty and splendor! In your justice and mercy. Be my God of peace.
This is the beginning of a journey toward my True Surrender. To be rid of me and follow the Lord with abandonment and trust. It will not always be easy or make since. It is a journey. I am trusting him to guide me in this every step of the way.
